I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it because I queefed?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
