I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
