based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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