Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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