my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
