dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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