Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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