my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
