yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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