Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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