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woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm both gender and math confused
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
