Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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