so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
