mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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