So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
