I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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