how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
