Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
