on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
