I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
