We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
