So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
