I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
