Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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