i already hear my dad disowning me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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