I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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