I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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