I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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