Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
