Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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