we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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