Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
