We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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