I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
