i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
