we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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