Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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