You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
