We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
