He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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