Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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