we're chasing vodka with high fives
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
