How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
