the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
