oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
