You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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