We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
