he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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