Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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