Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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