I'm so fucking centered right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
