I'm so fucking centered right now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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