Swine flu. Run for my life!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
