Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
