Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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