A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
