He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
