i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
