i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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