Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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