i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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