I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
