Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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