I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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