Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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