Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
