You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
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