My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
