I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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