chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
