i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
