Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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