He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
we should paint friendship bongs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
