Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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