It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
